Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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