I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
