hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
