Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
