just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize