OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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