So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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