so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
