So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
