You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
