no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
