i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
