If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
