I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
