my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
