Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
What a dumb baby whore.
you had me at cake vodka
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
