its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
