My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
