Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
