Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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