I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
