he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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