Four minutes until I can fart!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize