Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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