Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
