Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
