I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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