I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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