Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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