i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
