What a fucking waste of an outfit
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
