girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
