we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
