Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
