He kissed a someone with a penis
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
