quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
