My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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