I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
