I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize