If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
