I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
be right there i have to get my cape
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
