Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
