It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
