i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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