y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
