The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
