I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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