I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
