There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
