Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
