I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
