I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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