Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize