I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
