He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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