Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize