i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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