Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
