btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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