you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
