I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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