Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
