The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
