In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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