whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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