I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
