He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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